I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
