How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
