Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
