wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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