If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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