Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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