I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
