Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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