I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
