My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
