You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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Are my feet made of real feet?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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