it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
