you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
