She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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