first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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