I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
