Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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