man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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