Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
