god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
