just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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