Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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