he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
