sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
