Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
