when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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