i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
