The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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