the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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