i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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