if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This girl is more easily done than said...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
