my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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