what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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