why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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