I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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