I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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