everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Randomize
