All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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