3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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