One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
