that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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