She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
