how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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