We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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