Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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