I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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