Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
