last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we made out on top of his cat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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