He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
