people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
