i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
