I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize