I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
