He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
