So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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