the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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