Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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