saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
