dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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