he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
