so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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