she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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