I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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