just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
