Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
