I hate your face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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